Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Deluxe Heirloom Edition

As if an entire novel of brain-chewing zombies attacking the gentlefolk of Jane Austen’s England wasn’t enough, Quirk Classics has brought forth from the belly of Hell the delightful Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Deluxe Heirloom Edition, which promises an astonishing “30 percent more zombies — via even more all-new scenes of carnage, corpse slaying, and cannibalism” than the original Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, co-authored by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith.

With an elegant leatherette cover (no, it’s not real leather, but then again, this isn’t exactly real Jane Austen) decorated with curlicues and gold embellishments, and inset with an oval miniature of the skeletal Austenite heroine from the cover of the original paperback Zombies, this handsome edition is sure to fit in with even the most fancy-shmancy of libraries. The Deluxe Heirloom Edition boasts thirteen new detailed colour illustrations (my favourite being the zombie-like Charlotte’s wedding portrait with the dimwitted Mr. Collins) by Roberto Parada, and a satiny ribbon marker that prevents people like me from mucking up such an elegant book by marking the pages with random grocery receipts.

The Deluxe Heirloom Edition sandwiches the remixed novel between two completely new pieces of writing: a Preface to the Deluxe Heirloom Edition by Seth Grahame-Smith, and an Afterword by Dr. Allen Grove, Professor of English at Alfred University. The former provides vital information, like what music Grahame-Smith listened to while writing his literary masterpiece, while the latter provides a very interesting account of the parallels between Grahame-Smith’s reinvention of Jane Austen using popular mixed-media imagery like zombies, and the rehashing of Gothic motifs in Jane Austen’s own time.

The new zombie content of the book is really completely unnecessary in terms of understanding either Austen’s story or Grahame-Smith’s story, but it does provide thirty percent more giggles for the reader. Following in the same format as the original Zombies, The Deluxe Heirloom Edition is spewed-upon and slashed with katana swords, zombies, vomit, and ninjas, while the characters manage to modify their Austenite speeches to get in a good dig or two. So, during the first ball scene, not only does Mr. Darcy cantankerously decline Mr. Bingley’s entreaties that he must go and dance by bluntly saying that it would be a punishment to dance with most of the women in the room, he also adds that “half of them look as if they have been stricken by the strange plague.” This add-on, in addition to being humorous, manages to illustrate Austen’s original critique of the vapid socialites at the ball by comparing them to a bunch of zombies in need of brains.

Careful reading of the text provides a few other choice gems of add-on text peppered amongst the original Austen and original Zombies. In chapter nineteen, Elizabeth doesn’t just dread Mr. Collin’s boring marriage proposal; she briefly considers “killing her cousin to avoid the conversation altogether.” And, boy, wouldn’t the reader love to kill Mr. Collins to avoid the codswallop that comes out of his mouth! As he dutifully concludes his reasons for marrying Elizabeth, Grahame-Smith has Mr. Collins drone about how “nothing remains but for [him] to describe the assortment of meats and cheeses and pies that [he has] selected for [their] wedding banquet.” This seemingly random extension of the original lecture is quite delightful, as it plays up Elizabeth’s violently desperate attempt to interrupt his speech at this point. Jokes against the lacklustre Mr. Collins abound in The Deluxe Heirloom Edition, such as when Mr. Bennet is described as one who “would have preferred being eaten alive by a herd of the undead to the speedy return of Mr. Collins.” Oh, Mr. Bennet, we’re right there with you!

Where whole sections of zombie action have been appended to the original text, Grahame-Smith has at least provided a fresh take on zombie shenanigans, instead of recreating the same battle scene scenarios of the original Zombies. For instance, a Christmas battle has been added to the mix, showcasing how even the holidays can be spiced up with a bit of festive zombie slaying. When the family Hellford (an apt name indeed) approaches the Bennet family home for their annual carolling, the Bennet girls are dismayed to discover that the Hellfords’ singing has been replaced by moaning (or maybe that’s how they always sounded), the whole family having turned to zombies hellbent on sullying the holiday season.

An early extended scene in the book also draws in the foreign contingent, as mysterious Israelites plead with the Bennet girls to come save the nearby village of Shepherd’s Bath. With the majority of the village at Sunday worship, it is left to the Descendants of Moses to procure the zombie-slayers when the church comes under attack from a Biblical plague of zombies. Is Grahame-Smith trying to convey some message about the relationship between religious groups in England? Or did he just want to work in a few more vomit jokes and a town called Bastard’s Hollow?

Other additions to the text include a tear-jerker scene in which a ferocious young zombie is discovered chained in a house by the mother who can not accept that her son is gone, and a particularly fun scene in which a powder mill blows up, expelling masses of the undead into the air in a gratuitous scene of zombie fireworks. And let’s not forget a somewhat naughty scene in which Elizabeth peeps out a window as Mr. Darcy practices his sparring alone in the moonlit garden with no shirt on and a healthy bit of attention paid to his chestnut mane of hair. Elizabeth scolds herself, wondering “what would Jane say” if she were to wake up and find her mooning over Mr. Darcy’s Harlequin Romance novel stances. She is, of course, referring to her sister Jane, but the reader can’t help but wonder what Jane the author might say if she were to rise from her long sleep and see the state of her novel.

One only hopes her first words wouldn’t be a demand for fresh brains.

Order now at Amazon.com:
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Deluxe Heirloom Edition

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Deluxe Heirloom Edition are distributed by Quirk Books (International/US) and Raincoast Books (Canada).