from Weta:
Codswallop! Doctor Tremont is at it again. Not content with the direction Earth’s Venusian campaign is taking, he’s been seen through the sooty window panes of his laboratory hugging his knees, rocking back and forth chanting barely coherent phrases in something that resembles Nedderdüütsch. Or possibly plain German. We have no doubt something will be revealed next week, as he has hung a sign on his door bearing the inscription “Fischen gegangen — zurück Dienstag”. We shall keep you posted by carrier pigeon. So don’t bloody cook or eat it this time!
Public Service Announcement
Lord Cockswain’s Top 5 tips for the endurance of hardship while on Safari.
1. Drink plenty of fluids morning (Gin), noon (Pimms or Claret) and night (Any well salted Islay Single Malt).
2. Do not bring women or children. Dogs, however, make great company and servants, while expendable, are indispensible.
3. Arm for all eventualities. There is no such thing as “over-kill”. It’s “under-kill” you want to avoid!
4. Wear sports attire. While a silk smoking jacket may be appropriate on board your ship, it’s too slippery for Toop wrestling.
5. Keep a log. All real explorers do. Scientists will one day find the answer why.
Not a Grordbort’s Collector yet? Buffoon!
Luckily, you have just run out of excuses, as we have decided to completely forego all sense and sensibility and extend our Dr. Grordbort’s Starter Pack until 7 April. 1x VICTORY, 1x Dingus Directory, 1x Victorious Mongoose — Miniature version and 4x postcards, one of which has been befouled by Greg Broadmore, the rapscallion. Get the whole kit and kaboodle for a measly US$49! That’s what the gun itself normally costs! (Bits of it will also make satisfying gifts, once you have ripped out anything of real value.) Also: Good news from the sweat print shop: The Contrapulatronic Dingus Directory is now in its 4th Print Run! Hazzaah!
Grand Theft FMOM!
At a recent stocktake, it became apparent that somebody has run off with 470 out of the 500 F.M.O.M. Wave Disrupter Guns manufactured by F.M.O.M. Industries and less than 30 remain in the entire Universe! We are currently investigating this atrocity and will keep you posted. Meanwhile, if you need an F.M.O.M. — don’t delay — the remaining 30 will be allocated on a first come, first served basis. Unconfirmed reports from the bean counting department suggest the guns have been acquired entirely legally through sale and purchase agreements by customers across the planet, but we refuse to believe this can be the case for so many guns. We always assume foul play!
Dr. Grordbort’s has set up camp in Hongkers!
Hosted and presented by the wizardly Hong Kong based technological upstart CYBERPORT. Richard Taylor Esq. and Greg Broadmore attended the official opening Pomp and Circumstance this week. See more autophosphorescent etchings here!
Have you been insulted by the buffoons on the Forum yet? Go on — it’s a blast!!!